So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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