i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
