I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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