get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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