shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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