In the future we'll all be gay
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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