Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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