ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
