so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
