I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
