You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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