I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
