I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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