Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
