She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
