you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
