i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
