he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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