shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
