how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
