Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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