You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
