so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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