The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
even my farts smell like vagina
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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