What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
