my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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