so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just had sex bonerless
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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