so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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