I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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