The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
