ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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