he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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