I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
