i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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