I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
