Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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