he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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