Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
