the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
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I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
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tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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