McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just sent this text using only my big toe
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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