New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
