and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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