Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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