remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
