seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
