Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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