you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
