Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
