I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
