Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just want nice things and good sex
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
