My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
