a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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