True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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