This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
