I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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