He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
