I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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