First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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