awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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