im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
