So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
