And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
