Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
