So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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