Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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