if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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