Umm I'm too high to move.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
