I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
