turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
